Tuesday, 10 March 2009

  • My Asian roommate


    It's spring break at my school, and that means most of the campus has gone off to fresh, exciting things. I, however, do not have a home elsewhere, so of course that means I get to stay on campus with a limited group. But I couldn't stay in my room, with my things. No, I am required to stay in the house next door. I was required to gather everything I wanted for the next week and lug it over here. Moreover, I'm staying in a house with about ten other girls, and they're all exceedingly loud at all hours of the night. But the thing that most gets me, is I have a roommate.

    You see, I'm the kind of person who does not play well with others, especially if I feel like they are invading my personal space. I'm an introvert at heart, and I really need time when I'm not around *anyone* else. Besides, it makes webcam sex impossble.

    So my roommate is one of those Chinese students, whose English isn't very good, who wants to be a math major. (Where have I seen this story before?) I've made the effort to get to know her, so that I can destroy her because that's the natural thing to do when you're stuck in a room with someone for five days.

    - She has body image issues. She walked to Walmart (2 miles one way) in almost 80 degree weather - even though I offered to drive her - because she "needs to lose weight."
    - She feels incompetent in class. She has studied until 2 AM every night since we got here... and we're on spring break. She works really hard, and when she still doesn't succeed, she feels like a "failure".
    - She's embarrassed to speak English, in case she makes a mistake. She has been taught that any weakness should be hidden as much as possible.

    Pure and simple, all these feelings of inadequacy and guilt trace right back to her Chinese upbringing. In China, she says, there is so much pressure to study every moment of the day. At the heart of things, she really just wants to watch anime and listen to Japanese music (actually she really wants to go live in Japan one day). She hates school, and really just wants to have a moderate job, on which she could live.

    People often praise the Chinese cultural values: respect towards elders, work ethic, and emphasis on education. But these values are exactly what has made my Chinese roommate miserable. What's the point, of having a society which is the most technologically advanced in the world, if you're going to ruin the lives of hundreds or thouands of young people?

    I prefer a culture in which every individual can pave his own path. I would like to see a culture in which if you don't want to go to college, that's okay. I want to live in a culture which recognizes that not everyone has the same abilities or desires, and embraces our differences.

    What do you think of your own culture's values?

Comments (33)

  • interesting that you have to move next door, just for spring break.  sorry about the *ahem* webcam issues. 

    i value individualism, also, but i also prefer to underscore the rewards of hard work and persistence over talent, alone.  eh.  i like THAT part about asian cultures.  well, after the part about only educating the children who perform well on standardized tests at an early age, so... nevermind.

    i think you and i agree.  i value that, too.

  • I think most people prefer their own culture to others. I'm sure she can see as much wrong with yours as you see with hers. I certainly try not to be arrogant enough open my mouth about other people's cultures... since I have not walked in their shoes.

  • The "cultural values" thing sounds remarkably similar to religious indoctrination. Both fail to value the individual as an end in him/herself.  While excellence should be valued and praised, it seems that the culture forces people to fit into neat little boxes, with no wiggle room. It's too rigid, and in my view, counterproductive in many respects.

  • My roommate's from subcontinent Asia and they have the same thing.  She said in high school they have basically three studies: math, science, and arts.  If you take the arts route you're seen as weak and are undesirable.  I could never live in a place where being interested in the arts is a bad thing.  She also said that thinking outside the box is a no-no.  You learn what your teachers say and ask no questions or think about any what ifs.  She also has that whole studying all day everyday thought because anything less then an A (this includes A-) is seen as weak.  A friend of hers is studying engineering only because it's what her father wants her to do, in fact, she wants to be a nurse.

    It's crazy how restricted they are.  They're not challenged to think for themselves, but only what their family wants.  It's saddening really, but it's how their society works.

  • Well, if you don't distinguish yourself in China you end up in the working class...

  • @LucyWrites - I really don't like the culture in which I was raised, either!


    Perhaps I am arrogant in thinking that I can analyze cultures that I didn't grow up in. But I feel that is the only avenue to figuring out how I want the culture around me (and my own culture) to change. I have to look at other cultures, and take what I like, discarding what I don't like.

  • @TheBigShowAtUD - Not as sorry as my boyfriend.

  • Well, at least you don't have a fat parasite of a roommate!

    Well, he's tolerable.

  • It is interesting that the primary aspects of her culture she finds make her unhappy. I've noticed this for other people of Asian cultures, but also western cultures as well.

  • The general academic and economic bump of Asian-Americans can probably be traced (at least partly) to their cultural work ethic?

  • I think we could learn a lot from the Asian culture. Having spent time in many Asian countries, there are many good qualities we lack here. Many of those your new room mate lamented work out for the best as they become adults.

  • I lived with Chinese roommates all four years in college. They were a mixed bag:


    Andrew: Social, hardworking, uber-Christian


    William: Antisocial, hardworking, uber-Christian


    Melvin: Socially confindent (but akward), chauvenistic, loafing atheist


    Stephen: Academically-middling, muscially-gifted empathetic gay agnostic

  • webcam - FUNNY

    culture - It's interesting for me b/c I grew up (for 9 years) in Vietnam, and then here in the States.  And I noticed that we (human beings in general) always use another culture/family/person for comparison when we want to make a point.  So we say "look at the Asian cultures - they respect their elders, are better, and more conscientious than we are."  But then they look at us to and say "look at the Americans - they have so much freedom to do whatever they want."

    I think all cultures have their positive points and negative points.  Asian cultures have the obvious positives (as you have mentioned) but they also negative points (as you have witnessed with your roommate) just like American culture have the positives (freedom) and negatives (look at how many people are lazy and not doing much or how many people are extremely morbidly obese.)  I've experienced all 4 of theses positives and negatives... it just comes down to your own values.

  • it's alright to a certain extent... but the failure with tradition verses individualism is that tradition always most inevitabley will get in the way of an individual's passion for doing something... your temp roomie wants to do math because mom and dad back home emphatically suggests that math makes the world go round while art and other pursuits are meaningless... I know how she feels being asian myself and being exposed to that kind of mentality... then I picked up music and that means more to me than equations and what not...


    what isn't healthy for anyone is geo-centricity and ethno-centricity which many Americans suffer from that latter... i knew a family at my old church that were pretty geo-centric as far as, "No you gotta do it the American way..."  to which I looked at her and asked simply, "What does that mean, I can't eat with chopsticks anymore?!"  Let's just say this mom shut up immediately...
  • my parents gave up on me in middle school, so i've been doing everything my own way, regarding my life. i'm barely getting by. i don't call my parents anymore because i don't feel like hearing, "oh, so-and-so is graduating this year.. when are you?"

  • My floormate is Chinese-American, and she's the same way, for the english speaking. She weighs 110 pounds and is 5'6" and constantly complains about how fat she is. She also studies until the wee hours of the morning. One time, she started sobbing when she thought she got B+ on her eco midterm. To be fair, a lot of the non-Asian kids here are the same.

  • ah, yes... the inferiority complex. it all depends on their upbringing of course. some chinese stick to their traditional cultural values, others are open to changes. i have chinese relatives and they all have different kinds of mind set and approaches to things.

  • eh, Americans in general tend to be less educated than Europeans and more ignorant of the world's issues...sad, but true. it comes from having everything handed to us.


    but I like American culture for the most part. I like freedom and flexibility.


    I have a Chinese friend who is the opposite of the Chinese stereotype. She does work a lot, but she's also kind of laid back.


    <3

  • Ok ok, there are a few things wrong with this....1. you get to actually stay on campus during spring break?! Even the international students had to go somewhere else during breaks when I was in school. 2. did you say 80 degrees?! When was this? Where do you live? lol....on to the question at hand, Umm, I didn't really feel any cultural pressure during my time of education other than the general "acting isn't a career" type of things. 

  • @AlterEgo909 - I live in Georgia. It's nice that I *can* stay somehwere on campus during Spring Break. But they also kick us out during Fall Break, which is a four-day weekend! HOLY CRAP! (And if you want to stay over any break, you have to apply weeks in advance, find another student who will house you in her room, etc. It's really a pain.)

  • hehe, privacy is always good for webcam sex ;)
  • sing-a-long

    wow those are some good observations!  i'm chinese myself, but i am ABC, so i'm kind of a mix between both cultures.

    I see her actions of constant studying as sacrificing now to be better off in the future.  She's making the most of her college career to be successful later in life, so she can better support her family and herself.

    I will agree there are extremes, which is not a good thing either.

    Hope you two can get along!

  • @LyricallyCharged - it's all about individualism vs collectivism. 

  • I feel sorry for your roommate, as much as you want to kill her.  I'm sure even if she was someone else you would soon tire of having to share limited space with that person.  My heart goes out to her because I can't imagine how tough life must be for her considering she is in a foreign country and she is having to straddle two sides of the cultural coin.  I'm not condoning the way that most Chinese live, but without a specific understanding of her culture I think it's not fair to judge or criticize her based on your cultural biases.

  • http://www.xanga.com/Direshark/692464952/why-we-hate-us/

    The best post I've ever written (if I can properly judge) addresses your exact question, and it actually argues against our culture as ideal.-David

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